"Just sayin" can't take the pain

In no way am I wanting credit,taking credit, or trying to show that I am somebody more than I am. I am first and foremost a Child of God, a gentile cleaved into the family of believers of our LORD JESUS CHRIST> Who is the Son of God, Who came here to be God in the Flesh, a man without sin, Who went to the Cross of Calvary, who bore our sins, who died to atone for all sin...Then on the 3RD day, Rose Again and gave us the gift of the HOLY SPIRIT. Death did not keep Him, Satan could not defeat Him, the Pharisees could not receive Him, peter denied Him, Judas betrayed Him, John went before Him, Mary loved him, God our Father was pleased with Him. The enemy has to flee, and all of us serve Him. God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob my desire is to encourage, honor,minister,edify,lead, in your word,truth, and wisdom. In Jesus name

At times I find myself, with all the faith, hope, encouragement, and tenacity to keep the good fight. Then other times I find myself begging for the Father to help me with my unbelief. I get tired of the feeling that I fall into the temptation of being double minded. Do actions cause this, am I praying enough, giving enough, is it hormones? Am I distracted by the worries of this life and not standing on the simple fact that the seed of eternity is inside my heart, I have to believe if the seed is planted then it will grow.

The apostle Paul was clear when he says the "flesh continually wars with the spirit, and the spirit wars with the flesh"  this war he talks about keeps me in a place of asking myself what am I feeding? When I spend time with others believers, when I get out of my own circumstances and show up to help someone in the middle of there own circumstance, to show them love, lend a ear, or just be where God wants me I feel my spirit is filled and overflows. When I stay stuck in my stuff then my flesh brings this heaviness, and sighing that David talks about in Psalms 31. and while I am stuck in it, my flesh is being fed, and that tends to operate stronger. Sometimes I get so tired of the roller coaster of emotions, that I spent to many of my years trying not to have, feel, hope, or want. Now I feel every emotion, disappointment, anger, fear, loneliness, joy, contentment, faith, honor, trust, and love. I still struggle with what to do with all this emotion that comes with life, relationships, and daily walking out this life serving my Father, LORD, King, Jesus, my Friend.

We only know in part, and the truth for me is that my perspective is often a very small part. I am working now with Jesus in showing me a different perspective. His perspective, a bigger picture "if you will". I continually ask to help me with my unbelief. "A righteous man falls down seven times, and still gets back up"I continually find myself where I do not quite fit in to any specific place. The word says "God uses the foolish things of this world, to confound the wise" I do fit that description, I have made and still make foolish mistakes, and God is so faithful that when I look how He works it out for the good, even I the foolish one am "confounded" He keeps me humble when I get haughty, He gives me faith, when I doubt, He loves me, when I do not, He comforts, when I am weary, He works it all out, before I have a chance to question...
I am in awe of His unwavering love for me, it is what I hold onto even now, when inside I feel lonely, weary, and this pain that is deep, only His love can touch this kind of pain. Thank You Father Thank you Father and forgive me for my doubt and unbelief, Give me the wisdom, Your will and not my own, In Jesus name amen

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